Recently, a group of community mental health agencies came together on BYU campus for an annual conference called “Mental Health Services Awareness Night.” Included in the evening’s agenda were presentations from LDS church leader Elder Gregory A. Schwitzer and suicide prevention specialist Dr. Greg Hudnall.
As a aprticipant in the conference, I was particularly impressed by the importance of what Dr. Hudnall shared. His presentation focused on suicide prevention among children and youth, although the information was applicable to adults and children alike. According to his remarks, suicide is the leading cause of death among adolescents and it has been on the rise for nearly twenty years. These were just two of the statistics that confounded me as I sat listening to his presentation. I felt his message was worthy of passing along, and so from his remarks I've summarized 3 things to remember when helping a child or adult who may be struggling with suicidal thoughts.
Be Vigilant
According to Dr. Hudnall, suicide is the most preventable of all deaths. However, in order to prevent needless self-inflicted death, it requires that family members, friends, teachers, coworkers and other people in an individual’s life are aware of the risk factors and signs that may indicate a struggle with thoughts of suicide. For example, statistics show that adolescents who identify as LGBTQ or Native American have a higher likelihood of being suicidal. Other risk factors to look for include social isolation, a history abuse, recent impulsivity, mood swings, fixation with death and violence, expressing hopelessness, giving away prized possessions and being the victim of bullying. Additionally, when children or adults say things like, “I wish I were dead”, “I wish I hadn’t been born”, and “Everyone would be better off without me”, this can be an indication of suicidal thoughts and leanings.
Be Direct
Once the risk factors and warning signs have been identified in an individual, it’s time to act. Have a warm but candid conversation with them. Yes, it may be a little uncomfortable — but the stakes may be high.
Many people wonder how to approach such a delicate situation. Dr. Hudnall offered a host of suggestions on what to say to a suicidal person. Consider some of the recommendations from his presentation:
Start the conversation
· “I have been feeling concerned about you lately.”
· “I wanted to check in with you because you haven’t seemed yourself lately.”
Question you can ask:
· “When did you begin feeling like this?”
· “Did something happen that made you start feeling this way?”
· “How can I best support you right now?”
· “Have you thought about getting help?”
Talking Openly about suicide:
· Ask them, “Are you feeling so bad that you are thinking about suicide?”
· If they answer yes, ask, “Have you thought about how you would do it?”
· If the answer is yes, ask, “Are you feeling so bad that you are thinking you would do it?”
· If the answer is yes, ask, “Have you thought about when you would do it?”
What you can say that helps:
· “You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.”
· “You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change.”
· “I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help you.”
Willingness to act and have frank conversations about suicide can save lives.
Be Empathetic
Dr. Hudnall repeatedly said, “Young people don’t want to die. They want the pain to go away.” One of the most common mistakes support figures make when speaking with someone who is suicidal is inadvertently invalidating the pain and suffering that individual is experiencing. This can add to the feeling that “No one understands what they’re going through.” Here are some suggestions of approaches to avoid, in order to help the adult or child to feel more understood.
Don’t Say:
· “You have so much to live for.”
· “It will hurt your family.”
· “Look on the bright side.”
· “You don’t mean that. You don’t really want to die.”
· “Things could be worse.”
· “Suicide is selfish.”
· “Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”
Don’t:
· Act shocked or lecture.
· Make them justify their suicidal feelings.
· Blame yourself -- you can’t fix someone’s depression.
Rather than talking someone out of suicide, seek for ways to understand their situation and take steps to help them to receive needed help. If you are concerned for their safety or aware that they have access to lethal means, contact the appropriate members of the individual’s family so they can address the situation.
Suicide is the most preventable of all deaths. The truth of this statement depends on whether we as support figures are trained and prepared to respond appropriately to situations involving suicidal feelings. I hope we can all be a bit more vigilant, direct and empathetic in our interactions with those who may be contemplating suicide. It could be the difference between life and death.